Um... wh-what...?

I just... realized that I have... four days on my calendar... with nothing in them.

N-nani...?! How did I win a second childhood? When was the last year that this happened...?

Should I even be blogging about this? What's going on...? Head can't not explode. Must make new movie. What? OMG.

Wednesday, June 17th, 2009
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Depends on what'cha mean! = D

Is evolution part of science?

Watch as Eric Hovind tells you about the six different definitions of evolution. Never mind that his dad made them up... and even if he did, they still exist, because all you need to do to create a definition is make it up! Marvel at his expensive holographic studio as he explains...

"Chemical evolution is the origin of all the elements we have today! ... Organic evolution is the origin of life from non-life! ... Micro-evolution is the only one that's been observed and tested; the rest are not part of science. So, is evolution part of science? Depends on what you mean!"

I was so moved by the misguided nature of this presentation that I attempted to shut off the power to his studio at 00:35. As you can see, it almost worked, but I quickly made up God, and he explained to me that he created these people as an example of what not to do, and then continued being made up by other people.

Anyway, Eric. Evolution, even if it's a kind you made up, is not the "origin" of anything. Evolution is the development of something that already exists. If its status as science depends on "what I mean," then let's go ahead and clarify. I, and actual biologists, generally mean the theory of evolution by natural selection as it applies to all life on earth, from bacteria to plants to animals, including us. If I mean that, then the answer is yes, it is science. If only this had been the Creation Minute-And-Ten-Seconds, you'd have had room for that clarification, which, if you cared about the proper education of our children and fellow citizens above the nervous preservation of your own lack thereof, you might have recognized as more important than the entire minute put together.

If you can't understand how it's possible to calculate the length of a right triangle's leg with only one given acute angle and the length of the hypotenuse, you seek help and learn about trigonometry. You don't set up a web site proclaiming that the work of mathematicians is ridiculous, and then solicit money from the ignorant to support that web site.

So, Eric. There are a lot of minutes left, and that's plenty of time for you to read the first chapter of your first biology book by a real scientist! Can you imagine?

In the meantime, I've just worked up a script for Household Safety Minute.

Will a hot stove burn you if you put your hand on it? Depends on what you mean! There are six types of hot stoves. Microwave hot stoves is a new way to heat food up. Igloo hot stoves is how igloos are built! Chillin' On The Beach hot stoves is where you go to take a cool dip off-shore with friends! Checking the mail hot stoves is where does your mail come from?! Listening to CDs hot stoves is that music is sometimes in waiting rooms! Cooking hot stoves is what you use to cook. Out of all these definitions, cooking hot stoves is the only one that's ever been shown to burn anyone!

So, will a hot stove burn you if you put your hand on it?

Depends on what'cha mean!

Don't forget to teach your kids! = D

Monday, June 1st, 2009
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Ad absurdum.

The National Organization For Morm-- I mean, uh... Marriage-- has put out another ad reminding us that children's heads will explode if they learn about ideas that their parents are insecure about.

"God creating Adam and Eve? That was so old-fashioned."

Gasp. Our kids could end up thinking that story is old-fashioned?

Why on earth are they so scared about touching the "traditional definition" of marriage? They didn't seem to have a problem putting a slight spin on the traditional definition of Christianity.

I mean, uh... this advertisement... is... not... supported... by... The... Church... Of... Jesus... Christ... Of... Latter-Day... Saints.

Tuesday, May 19th, 2009
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